I am.

(I'm aware this entry may offend some, but I'm taking advantage of free-speech here and since I'm going to Hell anyway...)

I just came across this:

(Go ahead, I'll wait while you take the test)

Okay, now let's analyze this for a moment.

Question #1 - If you have ever told a lie, you are going to Hell.  Now I don't know a SINGLE person who has never told at least ONE lie in their whole life.  According to this, every person I know is going to Hell.

Now I'm not the kind of person who likes to lie: in fact I'm terrible at it and avoid it to an extreme, but I'm human and of course I've told a lie in my lifetime!

Question #7 - If you have ever looked at someone and had lustful thoughts you are an adulterer and are going to Hell.   Now my question is this: if it is natural to have lustful feelings for the purpose of wanting to have sex (which is natural because we are meant to reproduce) than why we go to Hell for it?  Even children can have lustful thoughts for St. Peter's sake!  And again, I don't know a SINGLE person who has not had lustful thoughts.

Now, I'm a virgin , yet, because I've had lustful thoughts, I'm going to Hell.  Well if this is the case, I might as well just get really slutty since I'm already going to Hell, no?

Question #5 - If you have ever used "God" "Jesus" or "Christ" as curse words, you are going to Hell .  But I wonder, if the intent I use behind a curse word is the same no matter if I say "God-damn" or "F-ck" shouldn't it be equally as sinful?  If you accidentallly blurt out "Jesus Christ" in surprise - well good luck to you.

Now, I grew up in a Roman Catholic household/school and I find that I use "God's name in vain" much more often than all the people I know who didn't grow up Catholic - weird eh?  Nonetheless, because of this, I'm going to Hell.

Question #4 - If you have ever stolen anything (no matter how small) you're going to Hell .  When I was a little girl, I stole a cookie from the cookie jar  - I guess ever since then I've been doomed.  It was a delicious cookie God-damnit!

Again, I'm no thief.  The very thought of stealing anything makes me uncomfortable and I never ever do it.  Still, that cookie did me in.

Question #8 - If you have ever had a God before God (?) you are going to Hell .  Not only this, but apparently EVERYONE has done this so if you say you have not, you are a liar and are going to Hell.  What this means is that EVERYONE is going to Hell because no one has kept this commandment - whether you're Christian, Pagan, Jewish - you're going to Hell so why even try?  Why even create this quiz if we're all going to come up with the same answer.

Now, this is one commandment that I'm extremely guilty of though of course I have no guilt over it.  There, I said it - I'm going to Hell.

Questions #2, 3, and 6 - If you have ever given money to charity, gone to church regularly, or made it a practice to read the bible regularly, this pleases God, but does not mean you're not going to Hell .  That's right - no loop holes here.

Something I wonder about is why would God care if we read the bible at all?   The bible is just a book and was not created by him... it doesn't make sense.
There's also the church thing   - since there was no such thing as a Christian church before Christ's life, does that mean that no one EVER went to heaven earlier than 2000 years ago? hmmmm.  Hold on - if I remember correctly, there were no Christian churches while Christ was alive --- wouldn't that mean he wasn't allowed into heaven either?  (oooh contraversial)

Now, I have given money to charity but the only times I go to church are when there's a wedding or when I want to see the church because I really love old churches.  As for reading the bible, I have read it a few times and once in a while I read some of it, but I LOVE to read so if I were only to read the bible all the time I'd miss out on all the great books in the world.  Oh to Hell I go.

At the end of this quiz, it asks you to choose whether you're guilty or innocent of breaking God's commandments.  I can't click innocent, obviously (and according to #8 no one can).  So I click guilty.  Then it asks if you think you're going to Heaven or Hell: I click Heaven, remembering how forgiving God is supposed to be.    Wrong!  I'm still going to Hell - no redemption for me.  Then it asks if the fact that I'm going Hell concerns me.  I answered NO, because frankly, I don't beleive in Hell.   Well it SHOULD CONCERN ME! Apparently.

Therefore, my brethren, the message is that every person should live their life dreading death because no matter what, we're all going to hell and there is nothing anyone can do to change that.  A life of fear?   Well if that's the case, shouldn't we all just go on killing sprees and sex-capades?  Why not?  We're going to Hell anyway...

P.S. Hell is actually the name of a very old Goddess of the Underworld.  Just another example of commandment #8 (though shall not steal) being broken.

EDIT:

Isn't this the guy from Growing Pains?

(Yes, he's going to hell too).

wow... just wow. I really try to be tolerant of organized religion, but i find that it gives me the heebie jeebies more and more. I've heard it said that to live a full and happy life, you need to focus on not only your physical, emotional, and mental self, but also on your spiritual self. Well, i guess i can really start leading that full, happy life now because my spiritual's all taken care of - i'm going to hell, end of story. Takes the pressure off, don't it? Seriously, tho, wouldn't it be interesting if someone took all the GUILT out of christianity? Cause jesus died for our sins, right?